This week IT is: YOUR Freakin’ Finances November 13, 2011

 

“Come on’ Jackie!  Can we really have FUN with finances?”

– said my inner-critic to mySELF. 

Financial topics seem to be so serious in nature. Well, I suppose it is because of  the effect our financial circumstances have upon our ability to meet our obligations, pay our bills, buy items we want to enjoy, purchase necessities,  travel, attend classes, grow our businesses, plan and save for our future needs, etc. All rather serious in nature. Lets face it though, when we have “good” financial circumstance and the above can be had confidently with a simple swipe of  our debit cards, writing a lump sum check for a big purchase, or counting out the cash and placing it in the hand of a seller, then we pretty much feel good or “happy” about money matters in our lives.

If I were working a life balance wheel with a client in a “good” financial situation, their level of satisfaction being 6 or better, and relation to the other areas on their wheel was among the higher levels in other areas, I would suggest they keep doing whatever IT is they are doing in that area.

Money and our freakin’ finances are a tricky area for many. The last time I checked, our country as a whole is suffering from a lack of satisfaction in the area of money and finances. The overall tone of our collective, affects our personal lives directly with job loss, health insurance premium increase, and what is really hurting many, the rise in food prices. It costs more to feed ourselves than it used to, even just a year ago. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I heard a statistic we will be paying 13% more for our average turkey dinner than we did last year!  Excuse me, may I ask……Did we all increase our income levels by 13%, or save 13% elsewhere? 

 What do we do when our satisfaction levels are low in the area of money and finance? What are some FUN ways to increase our satisfaction with our finances to help our lives feel more balanced and in control, creating a sense of happiness for ourselves?

Obviously IT depends upon where you are at with your job, career or calling. Is it bringing in the income level you need to get by?  If it is, but you feel unhappy and unsatisfied, is it because you believe you “should” be earning more? Is it because your job pays well, but you hate your freakin’ job? I suggest you separate your job from your finances for the purpose of self-examination. Pretend your money has nothing to do with your job, for a moment to discern if your unhappiness and low satisfaction are more to do with what you DO to bring it in, rather than the money itSELF.

OR

Is your job, career, or calling NOT bringing you the income level you need to get by? Define for yourSELF what getting by means. If you are struggling to keep IT all afloat, it may be time to take some serious and drastic measures. It may be time to get out from under your mountain of debt one way or another. You may not like what you see as your options. Perhaps it means liquidating an asset,  moving to a smaller house, taking a hit on your good credit standing, taking up an extra job, meeting with a lawyer to see what it means to file bankruptcy. These transitions can be scary to many, but they are not impossible to handle.

Whatever IT is bringing you to a place of low satisfaction,  there are plenty of ways to have FUN, even in the midst of what you are labeling as financial turmoil.

The KEY to having FUN in this area is to understand a few important principles about money.

#1. Money Moves   

They call IT currency for a reason. IT flows. It flows in and out, over and under. It comes to us, we use it to get what we need, then it flows out of us into a pocket, cash draw or another bank account. The receiver of our money, in turn uses it for its needs and so on. IT moves.  You can have FUN with its movement by giving your thoughts over to how your money is helping another. The check-out clerk at the grocery store, the plumber, the car salesman all have bills to pay too. Think about how your buying something you need, gets them what they need. IT is in the process of seeing the movement of your money that can be fun.

#2 Money Energizes 

Having more money than you need allows you to motivate. You move toward figuring out what to do with the excess.  Save IT? Spend IT? Where? On what?

Having LESS  money than you need energizes us in different way. We feel an increase in the need to bring money toward us. When we accept our current circumstance we take actions related to increasing the amount we receive. We look for a better paying job, seek more training, market our businesses differently, start new businesses. We also re-DO our budgets. We cut where we can, and re-evaluate our true needs.

 #3 Money Abounds

 There is PLENTY of money to go around. The trick is figuring out how to get it to come to you. Nothing is stopping you from receiving more income to flow to you, unless…… you have your beliefs about money and finances out of alignment with your actions. Remember key #1 is IT moves. What I am suggesting here is you are not asking for a stockpile. You are asking for enough to flow through you in order to meet your needs. You send it back outward when you see to it your needs get met. There is nothing wrong with “asking”  for a substantial amount, providing your intention is to send it back out, happily. Have you ever thought about winning the lottery? You win some mega-millions in your daydream and proceeded to handling your winnings in your mind’s eye as you would at that time. Pay off your bills, buy a big house, a new car, travel, save some for a rainy day. Did you quit your job? Or Do you love your job so much, you kept dong it despite your winnings? Did you give some away? How much and to whom? Think about all the tickets that get sold in order for a win. Many people had the extra buck in their pockets to spend. Millions and millions of people have an extra buck to spend! 

3 FUN ways  to deal with your freakin’ finances:

1. Stop hating! When you hate you repel. If you find yourSELF hating  where you are financially you will only make matters worse. Begin to train your brain to enjoy the money that actually flows through you. When you begin to love the money flowing in and out, rather than hating your lack of it, you will become more satisfied. The opposite of hate is love. So I am suggesting here you write your freakin’ finances a love letter. This letter will explain why you have had trouble liking them in the past, and what you have decided to do in order to make peace. Sign it, date it, and tuck it into a drawer for future giggles.

2. Get a piggy bank. You need it for your excess. Having excess is what you want, right? Go and get one. Yes an actual container with a slot for putting coins in, made on purpose for coin collecting.  I am sure you can find one at a yard sale for a nickel. Then proceed to putting all of the coins you bring home into  it. No bills, just coins. You could also make one yourSELF. Find a jar or container and see it gets decorated with fun-to-be-YOU colors or pictures, ribbons, chains, buttons, images, etc. Get out your glue and make a craft out of it.  Get your kids involved. Make one for each denomination of coinage you choose to fill up the jar. Keep this bank in a place of honor in your home. See IT fill up as you put all of the coins you get into it. If you are accustomed to not having extra change because most of your purchases are done electronically, begin to use cash more often, so you can get your change. Grocery stores allow you to get  cash back at the register when using an EFT or debit card payment. Do this, by at least $10.00 and carry the $10.00 with you to use for smaller purchases to create change to fill your jar. Once your jar is full, take it to a coin changer. The clinking of the coins is what your ear needs to hear.  Happily receive the amount in bills and add it to your bank account, or treat yourSELF to something you have been wanting.

3. Spend IT! All of IT!  I am not kidding.  Positive behavior indicates positive thinking. You will be opening yourSELF up to allowing an increase in money to flow into your life. Positive is attractive. Positive is not negative. Within your financial planning, plan for yourSELF to receive the amount of money you desire for whatever IT-is you are wanting.  Its playing make-believe with your new friend. You stopped hating them, now you want to enjoy playing with them. As kids on a playground find ways to entertain themselves, you and your finances will find ways to entertain yourselves too. You now get to take an amount you desire, plunk it into your budget and spend it out as if you had it. Actually doing this on paper, in your checkbook, or in your journal will bring you closer to receiving. IT will “invite” the money to come over and play. Whatever the amount you started with, the following week or month, double the amount and first spend it on the items you want, then with the excess consider what you would DO with it. Your challenge is to spend all of it on something else. Stretch your mind to allow yourSELF to feel the feeling what it is like when you have more money than you need.

Pick one of all of the above and track your results.

If you are experiencing a low sense of satisfaction with your freaking finances, my guess is it is tied to other areas in your life. Often times our money issues could be an outward manifestation what is really going on. An overall lack of happiness, an out of balance life leading to low levels of satisfaction on all areas, not just your freakin’ finances! The ‘bottom line” is this:

 Increase your happiness and increase your income.

Money does not buy happiness. Happiness attracts money to flow through you. You are too busy setting up camp to sit by the fire and toast your marshmallows.

 I understand how troubling financial issues can be, and have had first hand experience at overcoming some very big obstacles mySELF when it comes to money and our freakin’ finances. I found a way to remove the worries and gain a clear confident relationship with money.  I have committed my life to helping others except and embrace their circumstances,  move through transitions, cope with hardships, and create balanced, satisfied and happier lives.  I offer private individual  coaching sessions, group coaching for families and businesses, ”cheap & effective” webinars, seminars, and classes.

Making a decision to hire a life or business coach will never be a bad one, so long as you have chosen the coach you enjoy working with. The internet is a wonderful tool for letting potential clients know my style. However, until you actually experience coaching for yourSELF,  you will not know who is the right coach for you. I encourage to contact me to find out what coaching with me is like.

Jackie Wall Mielcarski, Life & Business Coach

I work with clients who have come to a crossroad in their personal and or professional lives and are eager to take the right direction to enjoy a happier life. To see if my coaching would work for you, whatever your situation, I offer a FREE 30 minute Intro to Coaching session. Contact me though my website at Fun To Be Me, Inc.  Remember to Have FUN with IT– even your freakin’ finances.

Today IT Is — “Stop Blowing Sunshine Up My @SS” November 7, 2011

“I was going to tell you how awful I was feeling, but then you would have blown sunshine up my ass.  Frankly, I wasn’t in the mood.” — said to me over the phone by a personal friend of mine

          I make every effort to post  “good” stuff on Fun To Be Me, Inc’s. Face Book page, as a way of keeping IT positive for my friends and followers’ feeds. As a coach, and a ” Happiness Coach” to boot, my words are intended to help move others to a better point of BE-ing. The intention for my business page Face Book posts is to further my company mission: To help foster the spirit of joy, generosity and happiness, for our clients, friends, affiliates, and partners.

          I DO understand though, that often times when a person is feeling bad, sad, mad or had, the LAST thing they want to hear is some fun-shiny “words of encouragement”  from me. They are pissed and want to remain BE-ing pissed, for the time being.  When we feel bad there are a series of phases we move through, and depending which phase we are in, we may or may not want to hear something to remind us of how happy we are NOT.

          Understanding we move through phases is key to my work with clients and how quickly they are able to achieve the results they are seeking.  I would like to say the phases are predictable and ordered with time limits and expiration dates. I can’t say that however because IT is up to YOU to decide when and if you are ready to move forward. When we feel bad, for whatever reason, we lack the ability to make the right actions and decisions for ourselves.  IT is as simple as that. What I know, and am able to do with coaching is help clients quickly and easily identify what is blocking them from progress and results. BE-ing stagnate or worse yet, making poor decisions and backtracking is what happens when we remain in the “I-am-pissed-and-I-want-to-stay-that-way-phase”.

 

          Let’s face it. I am a Happiness Coach. I teach people  to be happy, so those working with me early on are typically not happy. They hire me to help them put together a Happiness Plan. They use their Happiness Plan to get better results than they were getting just muddling through, doing whatever IT, is the way they have always done it. They no longer want to be “pissed and stay that way” have moved to a place more akin to phases like “I-am-tired-of-feeling-bad-and-want-to-be-happy” (for individuals) or “We-are-victims-of-this-recession-and our-business-is-suffering-so-we-need-help” (for businesses) . In both instances they are ready to receive  and see results they want. They are ready to make the changes life is requiring from them. I ask them to tell me what would have to happen in order to be where they want to be. When they say they don’t know, I ask for them to tell me what it looks like when IT is the way they want IT.  (whatever IT is). The answers vary, obviously, depending on the event or circumstance that contributed to or triggered the problems causing the bad feelings. All of their answers do have one thing in common. They give us the point of our coaching focus, necessary for finding ways get the results they seek. Coaching helps them to remove the blocks or find ways around them and get to their “want” more quickly than without coaching.

          As for my friend, who finally returned a call  to me after my numerous attempts to contact her. Intuitively I knew something had been going awry in her life. Intuition never fails us. What IT was going on for her has no meaning to this article. I am sure it won’t take you long to recall an awful time you have gone through, and can understand her reaction to seeing my number coming up on her caller ID. He pretty much figured all I would do was try to talk him out of feeling bad, by quoting some inspirational words like he knows I enjoy sharing on Facebook.  He is one of Fun To Be Me, Inc.’s  ”likers” just because he is my friend from many years ago, way before I became a life coach.  He is not sure what life coaching is all about, but supports me just the same since he is a friend. When he is not avoiding the world, I see he “likes” the happy posts from time to time.

          He told me the details of what happened, I was feeling pangs of empathy for him as the story unfolded when I blurted,

“Thats awful. Why didn’t you call me?”

          To which came his reply,

“I was going to tell you how awful I was feeling, but then you would have blown sunshine up my ass.  Frankly, I wasn’t in the mood. Years ago when we were kids, Jackie, I used to always want to tell you to, ‘Stop blowing sunshine up my ass.’ You always seemed so genuinely happy and as your friend, I didn’t want to bring you down. I used to feel worse because I thought you didn’t know I was feeling so low. I figured happiness coaching is alot of blowing sunshine, so as your career it was good for you. You have always been good at being happy yourSELF even in bad situations.  I never was. What had happened to me really threw me for a loop. I didn’t want to hear your happy-talk.  But that doesn’t matter now since I…. “    (the awfulness had passed) 

 

          I did not need to ask why he did not call me, really. I knew his experience with me, as a coach, was limited. He knew I was a life coach, and was seeing what I do as simply posting fun stuff on Face Book and writing about things I have fun with. I did not think his callback to me was a good time to tell him nothing was further from the truth!

          The truth is, my coaching is not about you telling me all of your problems and then me telling you life is grand and good–you just need to be positive all the time. It is not about digging deep into your history to seek and identify each and every one of the reasons why you are they way you are.  IT is about getting the results you seek, and giving you the tools and support you need while doing so.

          He shared with me the actions he took to move him to a better feeling place. I credited him for those actions and then I just couldn’t resist, so I went ahead and blew some “fun-shine” into his ear (encouraging words said over the phone– get your mind out of the gutter). I cheered, “Hooray for YOU! Good job!”, at the results he was able to receive for himSELF by taking the right action.

          He was ready to receive my happy-talk. Which is why he finally called. He was ready to allow himSELF to be lifted up even further, and knew he could count on me, as a friend, to do exactly that for him. (One of my gifts that contribute to my coaching niche.)

          While he was avoiding my calls, he had not realized that although I DO blow a ton of sunshine out there, it is aimed at the hearts of all, not their asses! I told him so too. We both had a good laugh. IT is FUN to laugh. (note: In a future phone call, he asked more about my career as a life/biz coach and “gets” what IT is I do, nowadays.)

           When we get mad, feel bad, etc. we can exaggerate and exacerbate everything that comes at us. We blow up at others, we cry when the wind blows, we lose sleep, we avoid calls, we lose sales, we miss our targets, etc.  All of which causes unnecessary stress, and consumes the time we could actually be enjoying ourselves, others, and celebrating our victories. Because my friend has not sought out the value of coaching, he did not understand I would not even attempt to try to get him out of his mood. I aim to validate and help those I work with accept who they are and where they are at. Only then can the action begin.

          There are times to say fluffy-feel-good things, but during coaching sessions I do not do much of that. My clients pay my fees in order to get the results they seek more quickly and effectively than they can on their own.  Unless you seek to understand what coaching can do for you, and then go about finding the right coach for you,  you might just think we are just a bunch of sunshine blowers. In fact we are a group of well-qualified professionals , working in niches of all types.  There are coaches for cooking, parenting, gardening, fishing, public speaking, increasing sales, decreasing employee turnover, and man, many more. Our ONE common goal is to help people make the changes necessary for real growth, real development, and getting real results for whatever IT is they want to do. I believe everything is better when we are happy doing it, whatever It is.  Happiness Plans help you clearly have a vision, and plan for obtaining true happiness for unhappy individuals, unhappy businesses, unhappy families, groups and organizations.  

          If you find this article interesting, subscribe to this blog. If you would like to learn more about coaching options and to learn if I am the right coach for you, please visit my website. I offer free 30 minute intro sessions for anyone considering coaching to help them get the results they are seeking in a quick and effective fashion. In our 30 minute free session you will learn what coaching is and what it is not. You will get to experience a real session that can leave you feeling refreshed and clearer. There is no big pitch, no obligation except to have FUN with IT.  To set up your free session fill out the contact form at Fun To Be Me Inc.’s website.

          And also, if you want to read fun and uplifting things to brighten your day, or to stay up to date on any of my workshops, seminars, etc. remember to “like” Fun To Be Me, Inc.’s page on Facebook.

Until next week….

Have FUN with IT– whatever IT is!

Your Coach,

Jackie M.

Today IT Is– How Can I BE Happy When I FEEL Like Crap? October 30, 2011

How can I be happy when I feel like crap?

Why even bother?

Let me be honest. You can’t. There you go. You are validated. You are right. 

You want to be happy, but something or someone lets you down immediately after you put your feet on the floor in the morning. 

I have a solution to that.

Don’t put your feet on the floor! 

Stay in bed, skip your responsibilities, let the kids fend for themselves, let the dog keep barking to go out, husband can brew his own coffee. Maybe if you never put your feet on the floor, nothing bad would happen to you, today, and you would have some peace.

How would that work for you?

As wonderful as not dealing with whatever -IT- is- in- front-of- you is enticing, you and I both know,  if you were to take that plan of action and not get out of bed, your outward surroundings could get even worse. Which is why we get up on either side of the bed (right or wrong) and attempt to progress through our day.

Unless of course we are stricken by illness which has insisted we let our daily responsibilities go. Seems we have no choice in the matter. We are screwed, unhappy and now sick too! Then what?!  There you are, mentally wanting to be better than in bed. You find yourSELF even wanting to BE back in the throes of your typical crappy days, but physically unable. (which only makes things worse, yet)

How is one supposed to BE happy when they feel like crap?

Here is where we get into what IT means to be happy.

I looked it up in the dictionary for you:

hap·pi·ness

noun \ˈha-pē-nəs

 

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Definition of HAPPINESS

 

1

obsolete : good fortune : prosperity

2

a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience

3

: felicity, aptness

 

 

 

My clients and I always touch on what IT means (to them) be happy. If they know exactly what makes them happy (most do not know) then we proceed to looking at how their happiness can be maintained and then spread to others (all of us working for the greater good). Most of my clients are very familiar with whatever IT is that does NOT make them happy.

 

Feeling angry, wounded, broken, poor, ill, mad, lost, pressured, demeaned, etc. are all examples of how people feel when they are not feeling happy. These bad feelings get in the way of a smooth pathway to happiness and the feeling of something-keeps-getting -in-the-way, opens the door to worse feelings such as doom, gloom, unsatisfied, low. This brings us to how IT is for the client. Whatever IT is, defines their BEing unhappy and feeling like crap. They have slipped into believing their feelings are who they are and will not change. They  just do not want to even put their feet on the floor when they awake. (if they have even slept at all!) They are unhappy and feel like they have been run over by a train! 

 

I suggest they feel as if they have been run over by a train, because they have allowed a derailment of sorts. I suggest they could be actually causing (although often times unconsciously) the train wreck they call their life.  Its just a suggestion. It can be proven right or wrong for them by using one of my nifty coaching tools.

 

Over the course of my education I have come across many tools to help you BE happy, EVEN when you feel like crap! One in particular is quick and effective, which is why I use it every day in my own life.

 

In The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing , on page 90 by Esther & Jerry Hicks, they provide an Emotional Guidance Scale for us to use to see “where we are at”. It gives us 22 phases of our emotions on a scale with #1 being joy and #22 fear.

 

1.   Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation

2.  Passion

3.  Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness

4.   Positive Expectation/Belief

5.   Optimism

6.   Hopefulness

7.   Contentment

8.   Boredom

9.   Pessimism

10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience

11.  “Overwhelment”

12.  Disappointment

13.  Doubt

14.  Worry

15.  Blame

16.  Discouragement

17.  Anger

18.  Revenge

19.  Hatred/Rage

20. Jealously

21.  Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness

22.  Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

 

Look at HAPPINESS.

IT is at #3, below other emotional states like joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation,and passion.  Isn’t that interesting? So many of us desire happiness, struggle to find IT, hate IT when we are un-happy. Yet, on this emotional scale there are 7 emotional states even better than being happy. Once we are happy there are even better feelings to have!  All the more reason to set yourSELF on a path toward BE-ing happy. Being able to say, ‘It’s FUN to BE me!” (and actually mean IT)

Its FUN To Be Me!

 

OK but that’s right, YOU feel like crap. Well the feeling of crap is not on this scale anywhere.  My guess is, if it were it would come in between 7 & 8. Somewhere between contentment and boredom and the feeling of crappier in the 9 to 17 area with crappiest from 17′s anger right down to 22′s rock bottom pit of powerlessness. 

 

So what is IT?

Really?

Most of my clients are discontent in some way. The true issue is NOT the circumstance which brought them to a state of discontent. Rather IT is whatever is blocking them from moving up the scale. Once we identify whatever IT is, if we put a fun spin on it, we can begin to move toward BE-ing happy. Further, when we get below the surface we can find joy (a #1) in the process of the movement up the scale.

 

Remember this: The good news about feelings and emotions is they are not who we are.

 

 They are not us. They are simply indicators of where we are at. They help guide us. We can be grateful for our feelings and emotional states, since without them we would not even know where to begin looking for something we KNOW we can have.

 

The truth is you can not be happy at #3 if you are feeling under #7. I will bet you can rattle off a number of reasons that contribute to your crappy mood. Breaking any habit can be a challenge, but we all know it takes trying to get there. I suggest we have a tendency or habit to inform ourselves daily of all the reasons we feel like crap. This then brings our attention those reasons, and then they like to show up again and again. We go looking just to prove there is no way we can be happy.  I suggest this is what is causing your crappy state. I recommend you TRY to break the habit of crappy-factor self-reminding.

 

So this is what you DO, instead of DOing that.

 

You have some fun with your bad feelings. Take this chart find your # for the moment.  BEFORE you put your feet on the floor in the morning pick your number, and see where you are at in the crappiness scale 8 – 22. Even if you have found yourSELF at #22 I will bet you can move your feeling from feeling depressed up to insecurity with what you already know. If you have ventured to read this far into my blog, you already know how to find a better feeling. Throughout your day do a quick check to see if your feeling has moved up the scale. Take notice when you have moments of clarity. Clarity is knowledge and knowledge is #1.

 

If you find this difficult to do, perhaps I can help you. I offer life & business coaching  and wellness classes through individual sessions (most effective). I provide group coaching for 12 different areas of Life Balance. I do Life Balance & Satisfaction Workshops, I also offer “cheap & effective” webinars, free videos, articles &  inspiration. “Like” Fun To Be Me, Inc. on Facebook to stay up to date and connected.

 

For more information about me and to inquire about my services visit Fun To Be Me ‘s web site.

 

In the meantime remember to Have FUN with IT–whatever IT is!

Love you! Mean IT! -- Jackie

 

 

Today IT is– Freedom in 15 April 3, 2011

Is your home or office in disarray? Do you find yourSELF feeling overwhelmed with the messes you have made? Do you then tell yourSELF you procrastinate or are bad at organization? Do you wish you could wave a magic wand and have your home or office cleaned up once and for all?

If you relate, then try this exercise for a week.

Pick one area of your “mess”. (ex: desk at work, kitchen at home)

Set a timer for 15 minutes. 

Ready, set, go….

For the next 15 minutes do as much as you can in that area of clean up. Put your hands on the first item you see out-of-place, and put IT in its place. (not into another pile)

When your timer beeps STOP. 

Review how much you were able to get done in that 15 minutes.

You can choose to do another 15 BUT the rule is to choose a DIFFERENT messy area. (ex: one office file drawer, at home- the bathroom).

Do this daily for one week.

Keep mental notes of how you feel after getting that small amount of mess behind you.

7 days at 15 minutes gives you 1 hour and 45 minutes.

If you do it twice a day in 2 different areas, that’s 3 and 1/2 hours of cleaning up time you would have otherwise spent sitting there trying to figure out where to begin.

Allow yourSELF the 15 to clean up your home or work environment. Everyone has 15 minutes to spare.

You may find your freedom there!

Jackie Wall-Mielcarski, Life & Business Coach– “The Happiness Expert”,  teaches individuals, businesses, and social groups, new techniques, tools, and programs to help them enjoy their life, their work, and their families. They receive increased levels of accomplished goals, hit their milestones and obtain overall satisfaction with whatever IT is they DO.

Today IT is– Announcing “Goldie’s Garage” March 3, 2011

Right, so when the economic impact of the recession hit our family it resulted in a shortage of cash flow right around the holidays. A dear friend, and business associate of ours was in a transitional time having to vacate his place of business. He, Billy Williams, is our mechanic. We have known him for over 15 years and is a master at troubleshooting, problems solving, and cost-effective repairs for automobiles. 

Billy’s “helper-guy” was not showing interest. Well, he might have been interested but he wasn’t showing up. Just a kid, you know, only 18 or so. Billy asked me if I would step up and in to assist him on a daily basis in exchange for learning more about cars, and to help me to help mySELF to restore my 1990 Grand Prix Turbo. Good thing since we needed the extra income. Thank GOD.

Perfect timing, as on my very first morning of work, my Bravada broke down at a busy intersection, in the morning during school bus time, just over the railroad tracks, on the first cold snap of a day here in Wilmington,NC.  I ‘d like to die!  I cried my eyes out while waiting for Billy to come to my rescue. Which he did. Thank GOD, again.

Anyway, so that was in early December, and now I am SO hooked. You see when I was 16, Daddy bought me a 1967 Camaro as a surprise for my birthday. Soon after he purchased a 1969 for himself to drag race.  During the years of his racing and my early driving we  would spend our weekends wrenching on the cars and then taking them to the drag strip. I never raced, but my car sure did.

Turns out I am quite skilled at being a helper. I should be since I came from the John Wall school of : “Hand me this and get me that” while we built our cars.  Not having been in a garage since I was 17 or so I was impressed with how easy IT came back to me. I know where to shine Billy’s light, and can anticipate the next needed tool.

Making broken automobiles work again is a wonderful way for me to draw analogies to reference for my life coaching practice. Since I practice what I preach and ask those who take coaching from me to seek to find their bliss in their work life. It makes sense to me. I am thrilled to be working with Billy. He would like to increase his business, remain grounded to see it through. Those who know me,  know for sure I am ALL ABOUT THAT!  

I have agreed to do some coaching and marketing for him, while I learn about cars, and have seen glimpses of a Garage called Goldie’s Garage. It has a really cool lounge, great coffee, comfy couches too for you to  enjoy while you wait. IT is in my mind’s eye only God knows if it will come to pass. For now I will get up and go to learn more, be more and see more, as I continue  with my mission to encourage and help others enjoy well-balanced happy lives.

Making the connection between coaching and auto repair in a “Fun To Be Me” kind of way called for its own web presence. So without further a do I present to you: Goldie’s Garage–Powered by ABC Mechanics.  

There you will find my tales from the shop. Pictures, stories and other stuff as I work to achieve one of my goals of restoring my 1990 Grand Prix Turbo back to almost-new condition.

Remember to ”like” Fun To Be Me, Inc.’s FaceBook Page to stay in contact for when I finally get the ball rolling again to present my promised  Life Balance Wheel TELE-Workshop Mini-Series.  BUT one thing at a time. For now I am having FUN with ABC Mechanics and looking forward to sharing my stories, and hopefully fixing your car. You can always contact me through my website to learn more about my coaching services and see if I can help YOU to say “I know how to have FUN with IT–Whatever IT is”– Jackie

Today IT is: Get YOUR Wheels Spinning! May 3, 2010

 

Today IT is: Get YOUR Wheel Spinning!

  

Is your life in balance?

Are you satisfied?

Oh let me answer that, — “NOT!”.

 I am guessing, of course, but the odds* are you feel out of whack, 95% of the time.

 When things are not rolling along smoothly in our lives, (depending on how bumpy the road is and if we have a map,) to varying degrees, we all can feel tired, grouchy, achy, irritated, unhappy, less than satisfied, down, moody, sad, grief-stricken, shocked, betrayed, offended, and the LIST goes on and on and I am afraid….ON again!

 Good gracious people. I love ya! I really do. I want to help people live happier, more fulfilled lives.

 I suspect you have studied the guide books, taken the classes, joined the groups, been coached or counseled, mentored and taught. You have done some of your own personal inventory, you know your triggers, what your needs are, what you want ….and have received some results, gained a sense of satisfaction and YET there you go again feeling like crap because of this or that.

 I am not saying there is anything wrong with that– because through sorrow comes joy. But do we have to keep stopping to feel the sorrow, ALL the time, in order to know what joy is?

 Perhaps we do? Maybe people have to go through the process of identifying what is wrong. This can be very helpful, However if we are not vigilant we can stop feeling good in the process of focusing on what is wrong. Our barriers of letting stuff in get weak. Our strength diminishes, and we CAVE!

 So NOW after the cave in, you feel like total crap and then begins the negative self-talk.

 Do you “hear” yourSELF saying:

•  “See, this path you have chosen must be the wrong one.”
•  “You were doing so good with your plan, and then you got off track, you suck.”
•  “If only you had more energy, life is hard, it takes its toll.”
•  “I ache all over, I am getting old.”
•  “I ate too much, I am fat, and hate how I look.”
•  ’My hair bugs me.”
•  “He/she hurt me.”
•  “I will never be able to have the life I want, because of the bad choices I have made.”
•  “My husband/wife is on my nerves.”
•  “No one understands me.”
•  “If only I had a different job.”
•  “I survived the “whatever it was” (i.e. fought in a war, suffered serious illness, recovered from severe accident, trauma or tragic event), why can’t I tolerate the little things that bother me ALL the time, now?”
•  ’If only I had more money.”
•  “I wish I could win the lottery but I don’t think God thinks I deserve it.”
•  ”I don’t feel good, I need to GET more healthy”
•  “My children don’t listen, maybe I am a bad parent”
•  “No one helps with the housework.”
•  “My boss is an ass.”
•  “My parents make me mad.”

 I am sure you can add a dozen or more of your own sayings.

 Of course the obvious remedy would be to simply stop listening to the bad stuff.

Do not let IT in.

Easier said than done, right?!

My area of expertise lies in finding way to Have-FUN-with-Whatever-IT-is that seems to not be fun.

It is not fun to be out of whack, off kilter, stuck in the mud.

 Having fun with our screwed up lives is the best way to accept what IT is. Change is inevitable if we go from being mad at our life to embracing it as it is, and then choosing to mend or heal the areas we see could use some TLC.

 I teach a workshop entitled Life Balance and Satisfaction where attendees get to draw a wheel (a circle on a paper) and assign satisfaction levels to 12 different areas of their lives. Each area is divided by the “spokes” of the wheel. We then cut away the outer edge of the “wheel” to the various satisfaction levels we had assigned. Our wheels no longer resemble the perfect circle we had when we began the exercise.

I ask participants to hold them up and we compare the new irregular shapes, no longer a perfect circle, resembling a wheel. Some are bog, some are small, some are very jagged, some have smooth curvy sides.

I put 4 on the table and ask the attendees to imagine if these were 4 wheels on a wagon you were trying to pull. How difficult, if not impossible, it would be for the wagon to roll smoothly?  Certainly if one rock got caught in one of the deep cuts in our perfect wheels, forget it….the wagon would be stuck, until the rock was removed.

When our lives are out of balance we allow negativity to enter in through the form of our self-talk, and through the images we see in our mind, and the thoughts running though our heads. What we say to ourselves, how we interpret what others’ words and actions mean, the images, the thoughts, the feelings, are like the rocks getting our wheels stuck.

There are enough rocks on our path to look out for, so why would anyone go about putting MORE rocks in the way , and knowing too that we now have irregular shaped wheels on our wagons! The activity of adding rocks to the path is counter-productive, to put it politely. In my words this is just plain stupid. I am not saying the PERSON tossing the stones is stupid. I am saying though that the activity is not helpful if your goal is to get from where you started to where you have to go.

My life was once so “bad”, that I stopped pulling the wagon all together. I dropped the handle and actually went about collecting up rocks of all sizes from the roadside and even put them in the back of my wagon! Others would pass me by and some would even stop for a time to say hi. I would have them help me find more interesting rocks to add to my cart, and on they would go on down the road until I could no longer see them in the distance.

Not to give away the hook of the Life Balance & Satisfaction Workshop, as I would enjoy seeing my workshop attendance increase, but the point to this entire exercise is to suggest you allow yourSELF to accept a lower satisfaction level in some areas of your life in order to become more satisfied in areas you once rated as a low satisfaction level. Then, your wheel is more recognizable, the outer edge, less irregular, your life is more balanced and you are able to roll more smoothly along your path, on your journey.

  

I hope this little article can Get YOUR Wheels Spinning!

If you are interested in attending a Life Balance & Satisfaction Workshop get on my mailing list to be notified of upcoming sessions.

Have Fun with IT- Whatever IT is.

 

 Jackie Wall- Mielcarski is a Life Coach, Specializing in Happiness Development for business, individuals, groups, and families. She is an author, motivational speaker, workshop facilitator, mom, & wife, residing in coastal Carolina, with her loving husband of 15 years and twin, 10 year old daughters. She received her BA in W omen’s Studies & American Cultural History from Alfred University. While gaining a scholarly education at AU, her Life Coaching education began. Her life experiences, dealing with painful areas of life with family member suicide, death due to addiction, close friend betrayal, adultery, divorce, business failure, loss of income, bankruptcy, in combination with God’s grace and her will to see the bright of life, lead her on a fascinating journey to uncover and discover ways to improve the quality of her own life, and in so doing has developed a set of teaching tools, and tactics to help others become happy and thrive instead of just getting along just to survive. For more information about coaching, Jackie, and Fun To Be Me, Inc. visit www.funtobeme.com

Find Us on FaceBook .

*just so ya know, and in case you care, I calculate the odds according to my own unscientific studies, quantified by countless personal experiences and social interactions over the past 15 years

Happy New Year December 31, 2009

 

2010

 is YOUR year to celebrate yourSELF.

Clean out your spaces, remove your trash, get rid of things in your way……

Learn, live, grow, and prosper.

Have FUN with IT– Whatever IT is!

  Click the photo for fun facts & info about New Year’s Eve Tradition

 

   

Are YOU ready for a FUN & Fantastic 2010?

If you feel unsure about how to get into gear in the New Year, contact me for a free coaching session.  You can live a happy life, I would love to help you make that happen.  Contact me: email- funtobemeinc@aol.com or go to http://www.funtobeYOU.com/sq

Please Pass the Gravy: How to Have FUN During the Holiday’s without Losing YOUR Mind. November 16, 2009

Have FUN with IT–Whatever IT is!
Fun To Be Me, Inc.

Jackie Wall-Mielcarski
Life Coaching for Growth, Management & Development
For individuals, groups and businesses

How to Have FUN During the Holidays Without Losing YOUR Mind.

 

As a personal and business development coach (aka “LIFE” Coach) I focus on the “want-tos” of my clients.  Coaches help people through transitions, help businesses grow, and help people develop a well balanced life. We show our clients tools, methods, and practices designed to help people and businesses BE more, DO more and CREATE more. Life Coaches help YOU to reach YOUR fullest potential, and live a fulfilled life.

Oh– BOY!  The Holiday Season is HERE! With all of its intrinsic GOODNESS it can get spoiled by the duties, the obligations, the time crunches to fit IT all in, and the list goes on and on about how UN-fun the holidays can become.

 I posted an informal survey question via my various social networks. 

I asked, “What is the most UN-fun part of the holiday season for YOU?”

Here are some replies:

Which ones do YOU identify with?

 

“Wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, seeing your crazy in-laws, Christmas caroling, drunk crazy Uncles, crappy Christmas presents that you don’t want, family fighting, having to travel to different families houses, shopping at the mall”

“The relaxed business mindset people get into. Less people answer phone calls, it takes longer to get things done, and a lot of folks basically go off the grid for a month. They ramp it down getting ready for the holiday, then take off for the Holiday, then are slow to get back into the swing of things when they return from the Holiday! I am not a fan of slowing down! LOL”

“All the prep and it only lasts a few hours. It is ALWAYS a huge let-down for me even though I have come to fully expect it.”

“It causes me more stress then joy finding the perfect gift, making the perfect dish, wearing the perfect outfit. Self inflicted stress has always been my personality flaw.”

“The most “un-fun” part is people getting away from the basics. Thanksgiving… a time to enjoy the “harvest” and be with friends and family. Christmas.. a time to rejoice the birth of Christ. Simple.. in both cases we are to have Joy and Rejoice… but we tend to forget this and worry about where to go, what to eat, what to buy, what to give…… Who gives a $%^*… Just relax, sit back and surround yourself with joy.. (this may not include family. .travel… or gifts..)”

“Eating dry turkey and roast. Thank God for butter, gravy and bread, oh yeah good eggnog too!!”

“Being deployed to Iraq…duh”

“Having to say goodbye too soon to family that I only get to see during the holidays!”

“Shopping for gifts.”

“Shopping. I hate it. Love the cooking though.”

“Shopping for everyone else other than my kids!”

“Mom Mother’s death anniversary”

“Not being able to be with all of the family.”

No doubt the holiday season DOES have all the ingredients to create stress, and unpleasant experiences for many people.  There are numerous opportunities to; screw up a household budget, add about 30 or more “To-Do’s to your lists, or how about adding 30 or more pounds to your waistline! During the holiday’s you tend to use the credit card you promised yourSELF you wouldn’t, beat yourSELF up for forgetting something or someone.  Lets be honest…these aspects of the holidays really, really SUCK!  If you focus on them,  it only get worse.  Suddenly its New Year’s Eve and you have no desire to celebrate, no money to do it with, you end up falling asleep before seeing ball drop on TV.

Let me challenge you to VIEW & DO things differently this year.

You CAN have FUN during the holidays, get through the season with peacefulness, and joy.  You CAN ring in the new year with a sense of hope, awe and wonder.

 

 

1. The Shopping

If you hate shopping, then DON”T. 

Now hold on– I am not saying not to give. Just don’t shop.
 
The best gift you can ever give to anyone, be it your Mother, your children, your long lost cousin, or a complete stranger is the BEST version of yourSELF.

One of the keys to achieving success and being at peace is to make your insides match your outside. 

If you seriously hate to shop,  quickly examine the reasons why?  Make this list of reason why BEFORE your create your shopping list.

Is it really the gift selecting OR is it fighting the traffic, and rude people in lines at stores, finding out something is not there? 

The reasons for your hatred may come from something other than the actual shopping.  FIND yourself a solution to THAT issue and you could actually have FUN with IT.

If you really DO struggle with gift selection, know THIS there are plenty of people who really enjoy it.  Find someone who enjoys it and ask them to help you.  After-all,  it is the giving season and if they are gifted at finding great items, perhaps you could stay home and bake some extra cookies for them in exchange for them finding you’re the perfect gift for someone. If you love to bake you get to stay home while hey are out loving to shop?

2. The lack of Business Focus

If you want to keep on task with your business then DO exactly that!  The trick of it is letting the other people off the hook.

In the survey, one responder noted how business people tend to ramp down, and fall out of alignment with the business world. Then they waste valuable time getting back into the swing of things after the New Year.  This person said they were not a fan of slowing down.

Tell this to a UPS worker, or a retail cashier at Wal-Mart.  Slowing down?  I think not.  People ARE out there moving and shaking at their businesses.  It just depends upon what type of business you are in. During the holiday’s you may have to adjust how you conduct your business.

If you are in a business where sales fall off during November and December, it is a great time to get a jump start on your next years tax information gathering.  Get organized.  Compile and analyze some data. You can work on your forecasts for the upcoming year. Plan campaigns, etc. 

One of the BEST ways to grow your business is to network, and create or maintain connections.  The holidays are a great time to attend charitable events, functions, and the like to get your business more known.  Allow your business to join in the holiday cheer.

Remind yourself daily: YOU cannot control other people, but you can control yourSELF.

Why drive yourSELF crazy at work trying to get people to return calls, remember their appointments, and things of the like?  Accept it, send them a greeting card (so they WILL remember you after the holidays) and move on. 

Your business is in and of itself an organized system.  It has its own brand, a  face, an energy separate from YOU.  B2B (business to business) relationships need to share in the spirit of the season as well as each of us individually.  Your business can offer holiday gift certificates, and you can send out holiday cards in the name of your business to other businesses as well.  Sending a potted Poinsettia with your business card attached, as a gift to business  you frequent (like to your mechanic or hairstylist) is a great way to plant your seed in the minds of others in places you normally might not gain exposure.  Pretty flowers add holiday décor to their business locations.

3. Missing Loved Ones & Saying Goodbyes

Because of a deployment in a military family, an impractical distance to travel, a hospitalization, illness or worse yet…a recent (or long past) death, of  loved ones really tugs hard on your heartstrings.

This makes for sentimental memories,  bitter-sweet tears of longing to be with a person, and all the wishing things could be different.  Guilt can creep in too because you are feeling PRESSURE to be merry.  It seems as if others are all having FUN and you are feeling the words bah-humbug come though your lips. 

Please don’t make me go on and talk about other feelings that come with guilt…..the shame and disappointment. If you need help in these areas, I can give you the tools to move past those feelings as well. Contact me for a 30 minute “Into” to Jackie’s Coaching. (go to www.funtobeme.com)

My work as a Life Coach had led me from feeling like a down-trodden misfit to working as a “Happiness Expert”. In the course of my study and training I went from seeing mySELF as a sad, unworthy, ho-hum housewife to being a professional in the business of Happiness.   I am able to help people and business make more FUN happen– on the path to success, joy and fulfillment. To be HAPPY.

In his book, The Option Method – Unlock Your Happiness With Five Simple Questions, Bruce M. Di Marsico says this about unhappiness:

“Although it may not seem obvious at first, people are actually unhappy because they want or choose to be.  They believe they should be. They believe it is good and necessary to be unhappy about their experience of not getting what they want, or what they believe they need, or not being who they believe they should be.  This attitude is in effect, the way people choose unhappiness as a feeling.”

You can see here, like I mentioned before, making  your insides match your outsides is key to successful living.  Being vibrant, lively, thriving and happy is what we all really want.  Why not try to believe YOU can have IT? 

If you truly have a desire to have fun during the holidays, and are tired of the grieving, longing, wishing, and wanting things to be different.  You indeed DO have a choice in the matter.  If you truly do not have a desire to have FUN, you will not. 

Life Coaches help client solve problems for themselves.  If you want to be happy and are having a block of some kind we help you to examine your BELIEFS.

What do you believe about the un-fun….the sadness grief, longing for? 

Do you believe families should be together for the holidays, not matter what (or at least try to be?)

If so, any absence of a loved one for any reason can bring you to a state of feeling unhappy. 

Why do you hold that belief? 

What are you afraid of?

The answers to the above questions are coming from your inside.

Can you think of some ways to make your outside match your inside?

Honor a deceased loved by brining our a old family photo album when doing your tree trimming. Visit the cemetery, if that is something you feel would bring you to a peaceful place. Even if they are not there, still make their favorite dish. 

Maybe you travel TO a long distance relatives house, instead of them coming “home“.  If “home” is important to you, and it’s a financial reason, then send them plane tix or travel money.

With technology what it is today– we have the Star Trekky ability to send and receive videos, pictures, messages, in real time via Twitter, Face Book and the like.  It may be virtual, but virtual is way better than not at all or impossible. 

I am teaching my mother about texting– so she can chat with my daughters when they get their phones one day.  I sent her pictures of the girls instantly on Halloween, and during their school presentations.  Keeping up with communications, and technology can enhance relationships among family members over the miles tremendously.  What a gift technology can be! 

Isn’t it Hallmark who has those great recorded voice cards?  How adorable is it to send grandma a card of the kids signing her favorite carol?! She can open it up whenever she wants to hear their voices.  Sure it not actually being there– but it better than it used to be.  I think statistically grandma’s really like stuff like that.

Step out of your comfort zone this year, and learn a new way of communicating with a loved one.  If you are a tech-no whiz kid, consider a handmade card as a gift a friend.  It unique for sure and keep-able.  If you are not on Face Book, give it a try on Thanksgiving after the turkey, made reconnect with friends you forgot all about. 

Perhaps by taking actions to create a more balance YOU.  Accepting some grief and sadness, and doing something– anything about it will allow for you to be merrier than you thought you would be.

4. The Stress of IT

OK I am telling you here and now once again you have the choice!

I happen to believe people often confuse the word stress with the words anticipation and excitement. 

Something I learned a while ago that has helped me tremendously is the holidays come EVERY year.  We only get about 80 – 100 of them in our lifetime if we are lucky. 

Many of us put off all of the associated holiday tasks until its too late to fit it all in. 

If your stress is coming from overdoing you will know it by actually PLANNING out your time spent on the various activities.  If you have not already found out the dates of your office parties, kids recitals, festivals, and such DO so now!  Fill in around with the buying, wrapping, cooking, cleaning.  If it all does not fit, then something has GOT to give.

Like I said before, after-all it is the giving season…so GIVE.  Give  yourSELF permission to miss something, postpone another thing– just do IT with intention. With the intention of Happy Holidays.

If you have trouble prioritizing think about your desire. 

What do you want?

You want to have FUN and NOT lose your MIND.

Choose your activities wisely, think about the meaning of the holiday season.  BE grateful, take care of yourSELF, first.  Plan the gift wrapping time, the decorating time, the cooking time.  For goodness sakes when volunteering a dish to pass,  pick stuff you know will turn out.  Committing to a new recipe is risky and can cause unnecessary stress.  Plan ahead, and adjust accordingly. Decide to send out New Year’s Cards instead of Christmas Cards.

Do a Balance and Satisfaction Exercise for the Holidays

In my workshop:  Life Balance and Satisfaction I teach a method of discovering and taking actions to achieve greater satisfaction in your life by creating a balance wheel.

We take 12 areas of LIFE and assign a satisfaction number to each on.  We place the rankings on a form where they become spokes of a wheel.  If they are not balanced the wheel cannot turn.  You life becomes stuck or not easily flowing.  Like driving with a flat tire.

You may know or not– I do a Life Balance and Satisfaction Workshop. (online and in person) for people, who want to be happier and feel more satisfied in their life. To find out when my next one will be get on my mailing list! www.funtobeme.com

 I have a mini-version outlined here tailored toward the holidays.

There are “areas” of the holidays to which you assign a ranking number 1 – 5 or 1 – 10.  The higher the number the higher the satisfaction level.  The goal is bring your number more into balance.  Let go of some of you stronger areas, and focus your activities on creative ways to bring your other levels UP. 

Suggested areas

Spiritual connections (your church, club, organization, or other), shopping, business/work, family obligations, social invitations, season’s greetings, cooking, and traditions.

Ask yourSELF, “How satisfied am I with: __________.

If you have been to church “religiously” and are completely satisfied, but have not holiday gift shopping done, for example– you may want to consider gift buying from a church member’s business.  You can tend to your connections and shop at the same time, and I am sure your church friend would be grateful for the sale.

Do this exercise when tending to your planner.  You will begin to see which areas you can re-arrange for your own well-being, balance and happiness.

For this, and more fun and interesting ideas, stories tips, and information designed to help yourSELF Have Fun with IT get on my mailing list at www.funtobeme.com–

I hope this helps all of you to re-frame your holiday thinking and make better choices for yourSELF, and BE the best version of yourSELF you can possible be .  I hope you can feel better equipped to Have FUN with it Whatever IT –is.

…..Oh yeah and about those ugly sweaters……..like the survey responder suggested for the dry turkey………LOL– pour gravy on it! 

Whoops, “looks like I have to put Aunt Sarah’s lovely sweater in the wash!”

Today IT is: Money- and how IT is NOT evil. October 23, 2009

Funny isn’t it?

 

How themes show up in your life, like clues to a buried treasure.

When I read into the clues I get, I can see connections to questions I have been wondering about. 

Like me and my relationship to money.

 

I have had my fair share of money woes.  I suffered from having too little, and far too much.  In either case, I was unhappy. 

 

I must say, being unhappy WITH  money was far more dangerous, than without.

 

 Going from having alot of it to having having a little, hanging by a thread, and riding out the ups and downs of being independently employed by my own company, I will admit I have experienced my fair share of money madness.  I have had blocks about receiving it, worried I’d be too greedy if I wanted more of it.   

 

I went from being unhappy with alot of money, to being unhappy with no money. There was a theme there and it wasn’t about the money at all. 

I was seeking happiness. 

Next time you feel the urge to let money bother you– try asking yourSELF if its money you want or if it is happiness you seek.

 

 

We all know–Money doesn’t buy happiness.  

I unconsciously made a choice to  find my way to happiness without money.

I found though that with all of the joy I was experiencing, my ability to share it with others could be dramatically enhanced if I had the extra money to spend on repairing my laptop.

 

So, very recently  I was asking, God:

“Can I please have some more money?– I believe I am ready to face the challenge of being happy with money– I haven’t had that experience yet– What do you say??”

 

Then, in the short span of about 4 days, 3 of my FaceBook friends posted somewhere in their status updates: Money is the root of all evil.

 

One even went so far as to SHOUT (in all caps) proclaim, “I HATE MONEY”.

 

 

God knows there are numerous fights among married couples over money.  People act differently than normal when getting a bunch it or losing a bunch it.  Look at lottery winners who cannot cope and wish they never had the winnings in the first place, and Wall St. executives who kill themselves over their immense losses. Friends become enemies, nations go to war, jobs are lost, and deals are broken, all over money.

 

Just last month, one of my twin daughters (they are 10) was caught in a repeated lie about money and giving it to her twin sister. 

“Giving is good”, we told her, “but for this certain thing, she has to raise the money on her own. Please respect our wishes.”

 My other daughter feeling very guilty about how she acquired her increased net worth, confessed. 

 

Money can change people.  This is for sure.  Looking back, I think I was acting like a jerk at times, because I had money.  But, like I said I was also very unhappy.  The money I had wasn’t earned.  I wasn’t doing something I loved when I acquired it.  It was a result of the death of my father.  I used it as a band-aid, to cover up the grief I was dealing with.

LOL–I even provided aid to a band.  My first “job “out of college. I became executive producer for CNY Hottest Prog Rock band of the early ’90′s.  I funded, Cold Sweat’s: The Adventures of Tigerman and Slick“….but I digress.

 

Is Money is the root of all evil????

 

I hope not, because I could really use some money to get my business to grow, to put braces on my daughters teeth, to repair the car. 

Gosh. Wouldn’t THAT be a really awful thing?

Wouldn’t it? …….If in order to get stuff fixed, and make things work, the tool we needed to do IT with (money) was inherently evil!!!!???

 

Where did that saying even come from?

 

 I thought I had learned it as a scripture in church along the way, but I never really looked it up. 

 

Who said it anyway? 

Did Jesus say that?.

 

 I looked it up!

 

according to wikipedia:

Root of all evil is a figure of speech denoting something that causes all wickedness or suffering. By extension, it may be applied to any cause of serious problems. The phrase derives from a saying attributed to Jesus in the Apostle Paul’s First Epistle to Timothy in the New Testament: “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10, KJV). The expression is commonly misquoted as simply “Money is the root of all evil”. There are Also those that believe that the misquote, is logically true, as there has to be money for there to be a love for it. This phrase may signify:

• Greed, the excessive love of money and other possessions.

• Money itself, and particularly wealth.

 

Ah!– See, it was Paul, talking to Timothy.

¹⁰ For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Timothy 6:10 KJV

And– it says LOVE of Money– is the root, not money itself.

I found it summed it up nicely in Chapter 2 of True Wealth

You’ve heard it said that money is the root of all evil, right? Wrong! Turn with me to one of the most misquoted verses in the Bible. Paul was addressing Timothy, as he was preparing him for public ministry. I will read it to you from the Amplifying Bible, Tim. 6: 10 “For the love of money (and all it buys) placed before the love of God (in reality) is the root of all kinds of evil.

Did you catch that? Let me reread it. A clear distinction must be made between THE LOVE of money and money itself. Let this truth sink deep into your spirit. God is not anti-money, or anti-wealth, He is anti-money WORSHIP. He has helped us to identify that money love (worship) is the root of all kinds of evil. In fact, as we have discussed before, God’s plan is that we are healthy, wealthy, and wise in this world — as a testimony of His greatness, power, and glory to come.

 

So, you see IT is more like a warning. Paul was talking to Timothy to get him ready to get out there and make a difference with his gifts and talents, and bring people to know Christ.  Much like any mentor would prepare his student before a solo venture, or a parent preparing a child before leaving home to go to college.  God knows I could have used to have heard those words from the life insurance executives who delivered me an $83,000.00 check when I was just 20 years old. 

 

Whew.  Good thing.  The LOVE of money is where evil can take root.  Love it?  NOT. 

 

Rather, admire money, and its usefulness as a tool. 

Treat it well, and take care of it so that it will last.  Just like a tool.  Keep it out of the rain so it doesn’t rust.

Look at it like a shiny new hammer for the roofer.  Money is a tool.  It is not meant to be LOVED.  It is USED to make things.  Just like a hammer.  A perfectly weighted hammer with a right grip for that roofer, and a strong, steady swing can drive nails to keep our homes dry from rain.  The tool is awesome, the roofer deserves to have a good tool to drive so many nails, all day long..  We love the roofer not the hammer.  We don’t say, “Good thing you had that perfect hammer”.  No we give  the compliment to the person– the roofer– for the entire job.  We may recognize his choice of tool, and he may even be proud of the tool, yet more than likely, humble in his work.

If we look at money the same way.  As a tool.  We can begin to admire money.  It’s OK to want it.  If using it allows for us to use our God-given talents to bring out the best in ourselves and others, and to keep us fed, warm and dry in so doing, then bring it on!

 

Jackie Wall-Mielcarski is a Happiness Expert, Life Coach and Wellness Consultant.  Author, and motivational speaker. She lives in Wilmington, NC with her husband of 15 years, and her 10 year old daughters. A graduate of Alfred University, holding a BA in History- Womens Studies/American Culture. She enjoys spending her time coaching others to live happy lives, and fostering happy business relationships.

 

Today IT is: The “P” word. September 16, 2009

PROCRASTINATION

The “P’ Word

 

“You are just like me…..YOU are a procrastinator.  You put things off until the last possible minute,” my mother has told me ever since when I was old enough to listen. ( but not old enough to know better than to believe her)

 

I thought, “Oh is that what I am?……OK, then.”  (and so I believed it)

 

Lets face some truths about  few things here:

 As we grow and develop, our role models show us how to BE.  We are hard wired to internalize what they tell us we ARE and show us how to BE.  I grew up thinking I must be destined to BE a procrastinator forever.  Once we find something that is not working for us no matter who said IT was so, we need to find our own truth about what we believe.

 

You are getting a picture about Mom.  Factor in my Dad.  He was a “get-r-done” kind of guy.  He worked his ”good job”, while he was also managing his alcoholism which kept him out late every week night.  Weekends were for rest and recovery– but his vacations…..

He had like 3 or 4 weeks of vacation time per year.  When he took his vacation time (and we didn’t go on a trip) he would stay home and DO everything around the house he had been putting off– in a week– and inevitably he would try to cram in too much stuff into that short week.  This would result in doing whatever it was in the proverbial “half-ass” fashion.  Doing it “half-assed” was the only solution in order for him to get IT all done in the week he was off from work. 

His way was never acceptable to Mom.  I used to agree.  Why do anything if you aren’t going to give it your ALL– your 100%.  If you don’t you will only get half-ass results, right?  I have learned that half-assed results are better  than ZERO results.– but that is left for another one of my posts.

 

I guess you could say Dad was a “get-r-done half-asser” who was married to a “procrastinating perfectionist”. 

Nice combo! (and people wonder why I am the way I am-lol)

 

OK so I have an objection to what I was told and taught– about putting things off.

In my personal, grown-up and semi-professional opinion (I say semi-professional  ’cuz she is my mother after all– I am kinda biased) My mother was NOT a procrastinator. Frankly I don’t think she will ever fulfill her self described label of procrastinator.  

She said she was.  She told me I was. 

YET–As I reflect,  I remember how she did (and still does) everything on time!  The house was clean, the dinners were on the table (even if Dad would rather have been out doing his “alcohol managing”).  She, still –to this day, even in her retirement,  seems very time oriented too. 

Mom is usually saying something like,  ”Its time to take a shower, its time to make the beds, its time for lunch, its time for dinner, its time for bed, its time to take medicine. 

If not then by golly she’s askin’ , “What time is it?”

 

Now to me that looks like a well scheduled woman who is very goal oriented and driven.  She is focused “in the now” while simultaneously planning for the next right thing.   

HMMMMM so where does that leave me? 

Am I REALLY a procrastinator? 

Did I used to be and now I am not? 

Does IT even make a difference?

 

Sometimes we perceive ourselves differently than what is demonstrated by our results.  How can my mother call herself a procrastinator when everything was always put away, done, ready, etc. ? 

I happen to think this “P” word could be better left out of our vocabulary. 

The label did me no good.  Believing I was a procrastinator made it look like I was to others.  I felt bad, I ran a negative self-talk narrative in my head everyday.  It was this negative self-talk that impeded my growth and development NOT the so-called procrastinating I was doing.

 

I reviewed my own history of my “procrastinatory”  ways. (no,  that isn’t even a word–in case you were wondering)

In college I started out going right away to the library to get the jump on my term papers. That practice ceased after 2 semesters. I would go the very the next day after receiving my term paper assignment,  and each time the books I was needing were already checked out by the “goodie-two-shoeses“.  You know the ones who went in to see the professor BEFORE the assignment was even given, so they could to get the good books before anyone else. They would get extra credit for turning in their papers early.  I could never figure out why the brainiacs needed extra credit.

Didn’t take long for me to figure out those books were ALWAYS available 2 days before the paper due date.  I could count on that for sure. 

Once I learned this I began to simply plan on it.  Why spend time in the library when there was a much more fun and exciting party to be at?

 

 Here’s a Question

I ask, “Is planning a symptom of the procrastination disease?  I think not.  Planners are not procrastinators. 

Honestly, I am asking mySELF, “Can someone be a procrastinator and a planner at the same time? ” 

Maybe. I suppose, but I would bet there is a trick to it- that I have not found , nor would I want to.

As a new mother, of infant twins, I was breastfeeding the two of them at once, and  doing 100 diaper changes per week each.  All the while, still managing to find time to cook meals for my husband, cut the grass, feed the dog, get the groceries, handle the finances of our household and small business. I will admit to a dirty clothes pile up, but that was by choice.  

My friends, this was not procrastination.  This was exhaustion!

To have some peace about it, I repeated the statements to mySELF I would say to my mother when I was a teenager.

“Why DO I have to make my bed, if I am only going to mess it up again in a few hours?” 

I would answer mySELF too!

“I don’t have to.”

“Why wash the dishes now, when I can wash them right before we need them again?”  Certainly the dishes are not going to go anywhere.  They can stay in the sink dirty or be in a cupboard clean.  Either way we WILL eat on clean plates.  The dishes can wait, even though Mom would say I should do them now becasue, afterall its time to do the dishes.  (she is lucky I was an easy baby and she didn’t have twins)

Bless her heart, my mother was with us to help out when the babies first came home from the hospital.  She could only spare a week.  When she left, she had all the laundry done (folded and put away neatly), the bed was made, the meals were cooked and ready to make thier trek from freezer to microwave (just rmember to vent).

What a gem my mother was to me that week. To do all of that to alleviate some of my household burdens, during my transition to motherhood.

I think my husband and I slept on top of our mother-made bed for like 3 weeks, just because we were too tired to even turn down the sheets and get in. I had to feed the babies every 4 hours anyway, so sleeping under the cover would have made us too comfortable– running the risk of missing a feeding.

 

While receiving my education and inspiration in the Life Coaching field, I found tons great information, advice and what-to-dos. I took notes, clipped articles about ways to improve your life in order to further yourSELF along your career paths, through transitions and I found plently of the what-not-to-dos too.

Don’t procrastinate– its a bad thing.

Inevitably, as with any career path, our teachers and motivators in the Life Coaching filed tell us to stop procrastinating.  Upon getting this message, I would look around at the messes in my home made by my kids,  and by the piles of information I was processing. 

What a slacker I felt like, when examining my mess. I didn’t put stuff away.  I had piles of papers here and there, half-read books in odd places (sometimes I couldn’t even find them if I tried). There were scattered piles of unopened mail, unpaired shoes lying about, 2 grocery bags of unmatched socks, all of the  toys remained out and in the way. 

My life was  just staring me in the face and saying YOU are a procrastinator!

I was in my late 30′s and would complain to my mother over the phone about the mountains of laundry, dishes in the sink and how I just couldn’t keep up with the regular chores. 

You know what she’d say to me, right?

She would say her practiced words of wisdom, “You are such a procrastinator.  I am the same way.  Always waiting until the last minute to do stuff.”

(I am beginning to guess this is what she was told by her father)

She is not a procrastinator, and I wasn’t waiting until the  last minute to do these things.  She gets things done and one time always, and  I was simply choosing to not even do them at all!

I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and listening to the negative self-talk.  I made a decision to accept mySELF.

It was then I began to slowly creep up out of my negative self image.  As my twins were taking their first steps, so was I in my Life Coaching  journey.

I ‘d had enough of the old “procrastination-accusation”, the name calling, the labeling from my mother, from the self-help gurus, from the motivation masters.

So, like I learned in the 3rd grade…….

I looked it up in the dictionary.  I had to go online to do so because I had no idea where my Webster’s Dictionary  that Grandma gave me for my high school graduation was hiding.

The “P” word:

pro·cras·ti·nate  (pr-krst-nt, pr-)

v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates

v.intr. To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

v.tr. To postpone or delay needlessly.

 

A-HA!

 

Lookie there….as IT turns out….I am not a procrastinator after all!

 

 Surely I was putting off doing some things.  Surely these “things” needed to be done….eventually…BUT I am here to tell ya one thing is for sure: The postponements and delays were NOT needless, as it says in the definition.

 

Quite the opposite– they were a necessity! In order to maintain my sanity.

 

And you know what else?  Putting off laundry, and picking up toys, and papers was NOT out of habitual carelessness or laziness, as it says in the definition.

 

It was out of making choices, and planning and prioritizing. 

 

I was  CHOOSING to let my kids play and giggle instead of keeping a pristine shrine of perfectly placed toys, CHOOSING to leave the mail unopened, when I knew I didn’t have the funds to pay those bills at the time the showed up in my mailbox, CHOOSING to nap when my babies napped to have the energy to greet my husband with a smile and home cooked meal. 

Eventually he caught on to my style and bought  himself a good 3 week supply of socks and underwear. (because his mother taught him to make sure these items were clean and fresh daily– ya never know when someone might learn you have on 2 day old underwear–)

 

As time went on, all of my piles of information were eventually processed all they way through and integrated into my Life Coaching business. The half-read  books were read when I came across them (again) while looking for something else I had misplaced. 

Guess what?  The information received from those books came to me at the perfect time. It was funny how when I needed  knowledge in certain areas of my life, the books seemed to have floated to the tops of the piles, and caught my eye right when I needed the information within the most.  On those days, after discovering a book I forgot that I even had,  I would stop everything and CHOOSE to read the rest of it then and there, so I could put it on the shelf. In my world only the books I have read deserve to be on my fake-wood-looking particle board shelves of my “library” On those evenings, we gathered around our delivered, cheese-only pizza, serving our slices on the plastic plates (but with cloth napkins, mind you)– our family would sit and enjoy each other’s company, talking about our day.

 

My husband would ask, So what did you do today?”

 

Ready with my rehearsed and repeatedly- repeated reply, “Oh, nothing much. You know me…..I put off everything! I am such a procrastinator.”

Eventually I learned to match my words with my truths.

 

Today I am here to recommend to you to:  Stop lying about IT.  Stop saying “nothing much”– BE BOLD and tell YOUR truth.  You are choosing one activity over the others.  You are making your priorities your priorities.  You have the right to do that– ya know!?

Give yourSELF credit about whatever IT is you chose to do instead of whatever IT was you should have done.

 

Whatever IT is…….It IS what it Is….

 

………………and (I will bet) IT certainly is NOT the “P” word.

 

Have FUN with IT!

 

Jackie Wall-Mielcarski, “Happiness Expert”

Life Coach and Wellenss Consultant 

 

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