Today IT is: Get YOUR Wheels Spinning! May 3, 2010

 

Today IT is: Get YOUR Wheel Spinning!

  

Is your life in balance?

Are you satisfied?

Oh let me answer that, — “NOT!”.

 I am guessing, of course, but the odds* are you feel out of whack, 95% of the time.

 When things are not rolling along smoothly in our lives, (depending on how bumpy the road is and if we have a map,) to varying degrees, we all can feel tired, grouchy, achy, irritated, unhappy, less than satisfied, down, moody, sad, grief-stricken, shocked, betrayed, offended, and the LIST goes on and on and I am afraid….ON again!

 Good gracious people. I love ya! I really do. I want to help people live happier, more fulfilled lives.

 I suspect you have studied the guide books, taken the classes, joined the groups, been coached or counseled, mentored and taught. You have done some of your own personal inventory, you know your triggers, what your needs are, what you want ….and have received some results, gained a sense of satisfaction and YET there you go again feeling like crap because of this or that.

 I am not saying there is anything wrong with that– because through sorrow comes joy. But do we have to keep stopping to feel the sorrow, ALL the time, in order to know what joy is?

 Perhaps we do? Maybe people have to go through the process of identifying what is wrong. This can be very helpful, However if we are not vigilant we can stop feeling good in the process of focusing on what is wrong. Our barriers of letting stuff in get weak. Our strength diminishes, and we CAVE!

 So NOW after the cave in, you feel like total crap and then begins the negative self-talk.

 Do you “hear” yourSELF saying:

•  “See, this path you have chosen must be the wrong one.”
•  “You were doing so good with your plan, and then you got off track, you suck.”
•  “If only you had more energy, life is hard, it takes its toll.”
•  “I ache all over, I am getting old.”
•  “I ate too much, I am fat, and hate how I look.”
•  ’My hair bugs me.”
•  “He/she hurt me.”
•  “I will never be able to have the life I want, because of the bad choices I have made.”
•  “My husband/wife is on my nerves.”
•  “No one understands me.”
•  “If only I had a different job.”
•  “I survived the “whatever it was” (i.e. fought in a war, suffered serious illness, recovered from severe accident, trauma or tragic event), why can’t I tolerate the little things that bother me ALL the time, now?”
•  ’If only I had more money.”
•  “I wish I could win the lottery but I don’t think God thinks I deserve it.”
•  ”I don’t feel good, I need to GET more healthy”
•  “My children don’t listen, maybe I am a bad parent”
•  “No one helps with the housework.”
•  “My boss is an ass.”
•  “My parents make me mad.”

 I am sure you can add a dozen or more of your own sayings.

 Of course the obvious remedy would be to simply stop listening to the bad stuff.

Do not let IT in.

Easier said than done, right?!

My area of expertise lies in finding way to Have-FUN-with-Whatever-IT-is that seems to not be fun.

It is not fun to be out of whack, off kilter, stuck in the mud.

 Having fun with our screwed up lives is the best way to accept what IT is. Change is inevitable if we go from being mad at our life to embracing it as it is, and then choosing to mend or heal the areas we see could use some TLC.

 I teach a workshop entitled Life Balance and Satisfaction where attendees get to draw a wheel (a circle on a paper) and assign satisfaction levels to 12 different areas of their lives. Each area is divided by the “spokes” of the wheel. We then cut away the outer edge of the “wheel” to the various satisfaction levels we had assigned. Our wheels no longer resemble the perfect circle we had when we began the exercise.

I ask participants to hold them up and we compare the new irregular shapes, no longer a perfect circle, resembling a wheel. Some are bog, some are small, some are very jagged, some have smooth curvy sides.

I put 4 on the table and ask the attendees to imagine if these were 4 wheels on a wagon you were trying to pull. How difficult, if not impossible, it would be for the wagon to roll smoothly?  Certainly if one rock got caught in one of the deep cuts in our perfect wheels, forget it….the wagon would be stuck, until the rock was removed.

When our lives are out of balance we allow negativity to enter in through the form of our self-talk, and through the images we see in our mind, and the thoughts running though our heads. What we say to ourselves, how we interpret what others’ words and actions mean, the images, the thoughts, the feelings, are like the rocks getting our wheels stuck.

There are enough rocks on our path to look out for, so why would anyone go about putting MORE rocks in the way , and knowing too that we now have irregular shaped wheels on our wagons! The activity of adding rocks to the path is counter-productive, to put it politely. In my words this is just plain stupid. I am not saying the PERSON tossing the stones is stupid. I am saying though that the activity is not helpful if your goal is to get from where you started to where you have to go.

My life was once so “bad”, that I stopped pulling the wagon all together. I dropped the handle and actually went about collecting up rocks of all sizes from the roadside and even put them in the back of my wagon! Others would pass me by and some would even stop for a time to say hi. I would have them help me find more interesting rocks to add to my cart, and on they would go on down the road until I could no longer see them in the distance.

Not to give away the hook of the Life Balance & Satisfaction Workshop, as I would enjoy seeing my workshop attendance increase, but the point to this entire exercise is to suggest you allow yourSELF to accept a lower satisfaction level in some areas of your life in order to become more satisfied in areas you once rated as a low satisfaction level. Then, your wheel is more recognizable, the outer edge, less irregular, your life is more balanced and you are able to roll more smoothly along your path, on your journey.

  

I hope this little article can Get YOUR Wheels Spinning!

If you are interested in attending a Life Balance & Satisfaction Workshop get on my mailing list to be notified of upcoming sessions.

Have Fun with IT- Whatever IT is.

 

 Jackie Wall- Mielcarski is a Life Coach, Specializing in Happiness Development for business, individuals, groups, and families. She is an author, motivational speaker, workshop facilitator, mom, & wife, residing in coastal Carolina, with her loving husband of 15 years and twin, 10 year old daughters. She received her BA in W omen’s Studies & American Cultural History from Alfred University. While gaining a scholarly education at AU, her Life Coaching education began. Her life experiences, dealing with painful areas of life with family member suicide, death due to addiction, close friend betrayal, adultery, divorce, business failure, loss of income, bankruptcy, in combination with God’s grace and her will to see the bright of life, lead her on a fascinating journey to uncover and discover ways to improve the quality of her own life, and in so doing has developed a set of teaching tools, and tactics to help others become happy and thrive instead of just getting along just to survive. For more information about coaching, Jackie, and Fun To Be Me, Inc. visit www.funtobeme.com

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*just so ya know, and in case you care, I calculate the odds according to my own unscientific studies, quantified by countless personal experiences and social interactions over the past 15 years