“I was going to tell you how awful I was feeling, but then you would have blown sunshine up my ass. Frankly, I wasn’t in the mood.” — said to me over the phone by a personal friend of mine
I make every effort to post “good” stuff on Fun To Be Me, Inc’s. Face Book page, as a way of keeping IT positive for my friends and followers’ feeds. As a coach, and a ” Happiness Coach” to boot, my words are intended to help move others to a better point of BE-ing. The intention for my business page Face Book posts is to further my company mission: To help foster the spirit of joy, generosity and happiness, for our clients, friends, affiliates, and partners.
I DO understand though, that often times when a person is feeling bad, sad, mad or had, the LAST thing they want to hear is some fun-shiny “words of encouragement” from me. They are pissed and want to remain BE-ing pissed, for the time being. When we feel bad there are a series of phases we move through, and depending which phase we are in, we may or may not want to hear something to remind us of how happy we are NOT.
Understanding we move through phases is key to my work with clients and how quickly they are able to achieve the results they are seeking. I would like to say the phases are predictable and ordered with time limits and expiration dates. I can’t say that however because IT is up to YOU to decide when and if you are ready to move forward. When we feel bad, for whatever reason, we lack the ability to make the right actions and decisions for ourselves. IT is as simple as that. What I know, and am able to do with coaching is help clients quickly and easily identify what is blocking them from progress and results. BE-ing stagnate or worse yet, making poor decisions and backtracking is what happens when we remain in the “I-am-pissed-and-I-want-to-stay-that-way-phase”.
Let’s face it. I am a Happiness Coach. I teach people to be happy, so those working with me early on are typically not happy. They hire me to help them put together a Happiness Plan. They use their Happiness Plan to get better results than they were getting just muddling through, doing whatever IT, is the way they have always done it. They no longer want to be “pissed and stay that way” have moved to a place more akin to phases like “I-am-tired-of-feeling-bad-and-want-to-be-happy” (for individuals) or “We-are-victims-of-this-recession-and our-business-is-suffering-so-we-need-help” (for businesses) . In both instances they are ready to receive and see results they want. They are ready to make the changes life is requiring from them. I ask them to tell me what would have to happen in order to be where they want to be. When they say they don’t know, I ask for them to tell me what it looks like when IT is the way they want IT. (whatever IT is). The answers vary, obviously, depending on the event or circumstance that contributed to or triggered the problems causing the bad feelings. All of their answers do have one thing in common. They give us the point of our coaching focus, necessary for finding ways get the results they seek. Coaching helps them to remove the blocks or find ways around them and get to their “want” more quickly than without coaching.
As for my friend, who finally returned a call to me after my numerous attempts to contact her. Intuitively I knew something had been going awry in her life. Intuition never fails us. What IT was going on for her has no meaning to this article. I am sure it won’t take you long to recall an awful time you have gone through, and can understand her reaction to seeing my number coming up on her caller ID. He pretty much figured all I would do was try to talk him out of feeling bad, by quoting some inspirational words like he knows I enjoy sharing on Facebook. He is one of Fun To Be Me, Inc.’s ”likers” just because he is my friend from many years ago, way before I became a life coach. He is not sure what life coaching is all about, but supports me just the same since he is a friend. When he is not avoiding the world, I see he “likes” the happy posts from time to time.
He told me the details of what happened, I was feeling pangs of empathy for him as the story unfolded when I blurted,
“Thats awful. Why didn’t you call me?”
To which came his reply,
“I was going to tell you how awful I was feeling, but then you would have blown sunshine up my ass. Frankly, I wasn’t in the mood. Years ago when we were kids, Jackie, I used to always want to tell you to, ‘Stop blowing sunshine up my ass.’ You always seemed so genuinely happy and as your friend, I didn’t want to bring you down. I used to feel worse because I thought you didn’t know I was feeling so low. I figured happiness coaching is alot of blowing sunshine, so as your career it was good for you. You have always been good at being happy yourSELF even in bad situations. I never was. What had happened to me really threw me for a loop. I didn’t want to hear your happy-talk. But that doesn’t matter now since I…. “ (the awfulness had passed)
I did not need to ask why he did not call me, really. I knew his experience with me, as a coach, was limited. He knew I was a life coach, and was seeing what I do as simply posting fun stuff on Face Book and writing about things I have fun with. I did not think his callback to me was a good time to tell him nothing was further from the truth!
The truth is, my coaching is not about you telling me all of your problems and then me telling you life is grand and good–you just need to be positive all the time. It is not about digging deep into your history to seek and identify each and every one of the reasons why you are they way you are. IT is about getting the results you seek, and giving you the tools and support you need while doing so.
He shared with me the actions he took to move him to a better feeling place. I credited him for those actions and then I just couldn’t resist, so I went ahead and blew some “fun-shine” into his ear (encouraging words said over the phone– get your mind out of the gutter). I cheered, “Hooray for YOU! Good job!”, at the results he was able to receive for himSELF by taking the right action.
He was ready to receive my happy-talk. Which is why he finally called. He was ready to allow himSELF to be lifted up even further, and knew he could count on me, as a friend, to do exactly that for him. (One of my gifts that contribute to my coaching niche.)
While he was avoiding my calls, he had not realized that although I DO blow a ton of sunshine out there, it is aimed at the hearts of all, not their asses! I told him so too. We both had a good laugh. IT is FUN to laugh. (note: In a future phone call, he asked more about my career as a life/biz coach and “gets” what IT is I do, nowadays.)
When we get mad, feel bad, etc. we can exaggerate and exacerbate everything that comes at us. We blow up at others, we cry when the wind blows, we lose sleep, we avoid calls, we lose sales, we miss our targets, etc. All of which causes unnecessary stress, and consumes the time we could actually be enjoying ourselves, others, and celebrating our victories. Because my friend has not sought out the value of coaching, he did not understand I would not even attempt to try to get him out of his mood. I aim to validate and help those I work with accept who they are and where they are at. Only then can the action begin.
There are times to say fluffy-feel-good things, but during coaching sessions I do not do much of that. My clients pay my fees in order to get the results they seek more quickly and effectively than they can on their own. Unless you seek to understand what coaching can do for you, and then go about finding the right coach for you, you might just think we are just a bunch of sunshine blowers. In fact we are a group of well-qualified professionals , working in niches of all types. There are coaches for cooking, parenting, gardening, fishing, public speaking, increasing sales, decreasing employee turnover, and man, many more. Our ONE common goal is to help people make the changes necessary for real growth, real development, and getting real results for whatever IT is they want to do. I believe everything is better when we are happy doing it, whatever It is. Happiness Plans help you clearly have a vision, and plan for obtaining true happiness for unhappy individuals, unhappy businesses, unhappy families, groups and organizations.
If you find this article interesting, subscribe to this blog. If you would like to learn more about coaching options and to learn if I am the right coach for you, please visit my website. I offer free 30 minute intro sessions for anyone considering coaching to help them get the results they are seeking in a quick and effective fashion. In our 30 minute free session you will learn what coaching is and what it is not. You will get to experience a real session that can leave you feeling refreshed and clearer. There is no big pitch, no obligation except to have FUN with IT. To set up your free session fill out the contact form at Fun To Be Me Inc.’s website.
And also, if you want to read fun and uplifting things to brighten your day, or to stay up to date on any of my workshops, seminars, etc. remember to “like” Fun To Be Me, Inc.’s page on Facebook.
Until next week….
Have FUN with IT– whatever IT is!
Your Coach,
Jackie M.
Another goodin.